So, yesterday I promised to follow up that giant Yemaya post with a bibliography of the books and websites that I found to be most useful in finding my information. So, while it is not up to MLA standards here is the information I promised yesterday.
Websites:
http://cubanyoruba.blogspot.com/2007/05/yemaya.html
http://alocubano.com/yemaya.htm
http://users.boardnation.com/~multiplistix/Printpage.php?board=12%3Bthreadid=136
http://www.soycubano.com/bijirita/musica/yemayai.asp
Books:
Weaver, Lloyd and Egbelade, Olukunmi Maternal Divinity Yemonja Tranquil Sea, Turbulent Tides Eleven Tales From Africa Athelia Henrietta Press 1999
Baba Raul Canizares Yemaya: Santeria and the Queen of the Seven Seas Original Publications
My Study Schedule:
December: Yemaya Asseu-this is the darkest time of the year and therefore the most appropriate time to work with a death aspect. Besides, She has that beautiful song.
January: Yemonja Erin mi Lokun-I've been working more with animal totems and I think She can help me with this.
February: Yemaya Mayelewo- This is a stressful time of year and her stability is something I can really use. Besides, in our House, Olokun is a separate deity.
March: Yemaya Akuti- this is the month of my High Priestess ordination/crowning in my coven and it seems appropriate to be working with the Queen of the Witches here.
April: Yemonja Banyari: I found Her to be the most interesting and lovable of the river paths.
May: Yemaya Acuaro: The most joyful path of Yemaya, and I think of May as "Oshun's month".
June: Mama Mermaid- This is the path that comes through most strongly, and after all this I'll be ready to wrap that particular pair of arms around me once again. It's not an "official" path, but the one I love best of all none the less.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Paths of Yemaya
Each of the Orisha has many paths, and Yemaya is no exception. Each mother is different. Some are clingy and protective. Some are strict and keep the wooden paddle at the ready. Some bake you cookies when you are sad.
For every mother there is a path of Yemaya. In preparation for my initiation to Her in July, I have been working on compiling as many of Her documented paths as possible. My main reason was this: I would collect all Her paths, categorize them, and then choose one path from each category and work with this path intensely for a month. Then I would move on to the next path and by the time of the initiation, I would have gotten to know a wide variety of Yemayas. I do this in part as well, so that as new Yemaya priests come along, I will have some concrete information to give them, a place to start with there own studies.
Disclaimer: I'm no great scholar. I took the information where I could find it, and sometimes that was the websites from traditional houses and sometimes that meant MySpace. Some of the paths have very different spellings, but very similar descriptions. Some have very similar names but very different descriptions. I tried to listen and make the correct distinctions. I will include the best websites and books at the end of this list.
Warriors and Death Goddesses
Yemaya Asseu: lives in dirty and polluted waters. She accepts offering with the dead and she is pretty slow in answering the requests of her children. She is also the messenger of Olokun.
Yemaya Oquette: This is Yemaya's violent form. She is destructive. The mother who gives birth to her children will also destroy them. She is similar to Kali-Ma. She is married to Ogun, very witchy and wears Ogun's tools.
Yemaya Ibu Akinomi: Her mane means "when upset, she could destroy the world". She lives in the cusp of the waves.
Yemaya Oggun Ayipo: She comes from Marunal Oddu Oggunda. She live in the river and at sea. She has big breasts. She is a patron of the elderly and goes to war with Ogun. Her sopera should be covered with mariwan.
Yemaya Oggun Asomi: She is a warrior with Ogun and Shango. She lives on top of the waters but also loves the mountains.
Yemaya Ibu Alaro: She who lives with the dead in the depths of the ocean and sea. She is a mystery. She who moves with the egguns. She is the owner of life and death.
Yemaya Okot: She lives in the red tide and is a fierce mother. She assassinates anyone who tries to hurt her children and dresses in 9 different colors like Oya.
Yemaya Oro: She is mysterious and lives with the egguns. Her name means "mermaid who sings". She wakes the spirits. Her favorite food is duck.
Yemaya Ita Tanan: a warrior aspect, she carries a sword.
Yemonja Afodo: the warrior who is completely devoted to freeing slaves. She deals with ships at sea and boats on the river and gives them safe passage if her children are aboard or their mission is innocent.
Yemaya Fonda: She is the one who died with Inle. She is a warrior and wears a sword.
Witches and Healers
Yemaya Mayalewo: A powerful witch, she works closely with Ogun. She lives in lagoons that are surrounded by a wooded area. She lives in solitude. She loves the peacefulness of the woods. She is also close to Osain, and an excellent healer.
Yemaya Achaba: She is married to Ogun who heeds her wise advice. She is serious and stern. She disciplines when she has to and can be very dangerous. Her magic spells are very powerful and she turns her back to listen to her followers. She sends floods when she is angry. She is also the wife of Orunmile and the mother of African kings.
Yemaya Okuti (Okute): She is the Queen of Witches. She sends her children messages via mice. She owns the coral reefs and is the mother of pearls. When she dances she has a snake on her are, suggesting wisdom and sexuality. She has a bad temper and is harsh and unforgiving. She can make live miserable if you upset her. She is a fierce warrior who battles alongside Ogun. She carries his weapons and working tools at her waist in times of war. She is also close to Oshun and her home is the rocks hear the coastlines that break the water. She can also be found in lakes, rivers, and forests. She dislikes dogs and won't eat duck. She wears coral and mother of pearl.
Yemaya Yalode: Queen of mothers and witches. The first female orisha.
Deep Water and Open Water
Yemaya Olokun: This path is the deepest part of the ocean. She has vast wisdom and a violent nature. She is overpowering and is often seen as a hermaphroditic mermaid. In many cases Olokun is viewed as a separate deity.
Yemaya Ibu Okoto: Her name means "those who live in shells". She rules navel battles and kills those who do harm to her children. She dresses in 9 colors like Oya. She lives on the bottom of the sea. She is a dancer who loves to spin.
Yemay Akere: She was born in Oddu Ojuani Oddi. She lives in the deepest parts of the ocean. You should put a small porcelain doll in her sopera along with a sea turtle, shells, a silver arrow, a cedar boat, a silver fish, a silver swork, and seven crystal balls.
Yemaya Ibu Agana: She live at the very bottom of the ocean. When she possesses her priests, the sky becomes dark and it down pours. Because of this you cannot fake her possession. Her name means "furious" or "crazy". She walks a lot and dances bent over, and works with a snake.
Yemaya Mayelewo: She is the favorite daughter of Oloddumare. She lives at the bottom of the ocean where the seven currents of the ocean meet. Stability is her predominance. She looks down on others with pride, she looks at people sideways. She is good at business. Her name means "the one who loves money and business" She colored the waters of the ocean.
Shallows and Shorelines (includes sailor paths)
Yemaya Acuaro (Akuaro): This is the aspect where the river (Oshun) meets the sea. She is very close to her sister, with who she loves to dance and spend time. She is a powerful witch and she can dispel evil spells. She does not do any other kind of magic.
Yemaya Ibu Konla: She is the one who builds the boats. She is a poet. She lives in sea foam, caught in the flax and sea weed. She is represented by the propeller of ships and wears a white cotton shawl. She may also live in the fish nets. She is the navigator who sleeps in a ship's prow.
Yemaya Ibubunle: Her name means "sediment of the ocean" She lives on top of reef rocks.
Yemaya Gunle: The seashore personified.
Ye Ile Ye Lodo: Has her house at the top edge of the sea. She takes lamb at the sea, river, or in the home.
River Paths
Yemaya Ibu Node: She lives in the rivers.
Yemaya Olodo: Owner of all the rivers
Yemaya Ogunte: the wife of Ogun, deals with fishing. She swims like fish and saves those who are downing. Great hunter. Founded a town at a place where 2 rivers meet and is close to Exu and can be called at a crossroads. Sometimes breaths fire and is the source of the steam that rises from the jungle rivers early in the morning. She is a hard worker and wears Ogun's tool belt.
Yemonja Banyarin: She is totally devoted to children. She plays with children at the river. She baths people before their initiation. She is the owner of ants who are her informants and protects the sacred stones of the river. When she is angry she drowns people and does not return the body for a long time. The ants tell her who has visited the river and what they wanted. She is very strict about matters of morality and propriety.
Yemaya Ibu Seni: She lives in small black wells by the river boarders.
Queens and Mothers and Wealth Paths
Yemaya Awoyo: She is the ancient form of Yemaya. She is wise, honorable, loving, caring, and she is also very wealthy. She wears a rainbow as a crown over her head. She is also a powerful warrior.
Yemaya Yembo (Yemu): Oddua in female form, the one who gave birth to all other orishas. She is the first, the calm sea. She can also be a female path of Oxala and is sometimes considered to be a deity on her own.
Yemaya Ibu Elowo (Olowo): Owner of money from the seas.
Yemaya Ibu Ina: Her name means "queen of the tragedy and arguments". She is ready for disputes and war. She can be arrogant and foword. She eats carp and goats and rules thermal and volcanic waters.
Yemonja Ayaba: wife of the king, a young lady who people immediately love.
Yemaya Atarawa: Her name means "she who is in every moment important". Owner of the treasures of the ocean and the land.
Yemaya Ibu Odo: Owner of Indigo
Opa Lado Iyalode or Opa Lalu: the staff given to a ruling woman, the respect given to a woman who has helped an important husband. She is the leader of women int he kingdom. The orisha of technicians, she taught women how to put a roof on a house and how to paint their homes bright and beautiful colors.
Other (all the paths which don't fit into one of these categories)
Yemaya Ibu Oleyo: Ibi Okoto's sister, from the land of Aye Taro.
Yemaya Ataremawa: Beautiful woman, comes to bembes, lives in the forest.
Yemaya Yamase: She has a crown in which one should hang 7 coweries, 7 machetes, 7 axes, a boat, and an arrow of Ochosi.
Yemaya Ibu Yabani: lives with Brosia
Yemonja Asaba: She is the adviser to the other orisha and is associated with bats. She is wise and helpful and wears a silver anklet. Her friendship is coveted by all. She is haughty and will stare you down. Once married to Orunla, she is the one who stole the secret of how to divine with cowrie shells. She is also close to Osanyin. She can send floods and tidal waves when she is angry. She turns her back to you to speak to you. She represents the woman that truly believes she can resolve issues by ignoring adversity, by going with the flow until she gets to the source making the situation a win-win. She is known as the little mermaid, smallest but most respected of paths. Yemaya of the impossible, reveler of the unknown.
Yemaya Ibu Tinibu: makes ocean waves rough
Yemaya Lokun Nipa: strong ocean, may be a name of Olokun
Yemaya Ayaba Ti Gbe Ibu Omi: Mother of Shango
Yemaya Awo Sama: Sends rain clouds.
Yemaya Oguegue Owoyo Olode: The ocean reflecting the crescent moon.
Yemonja Erin mi Lokun: Elephant of the sea, the Yemonja that made sure no animals died when Olodunmare separated water from land.
Yemaya Alara: Yemaya as a refined beauty.
For every mother there is a path of Yemaya. In preparation for my initiation to Her in July, I have been working on compiling as many of Her documented paths as possible. My main reason was this: I would collect all Her paths, categorize them, and then choose one path from each category and work with this path intensely for a month. Then I would move on to the next path and by the time of the initiation, I would have gotten to know a wide variety of Yemayas. I do this in part as well, so that as new Yemaya priests come along, I will have some concrete information to give them, a place to start with there own studies.
Disclaimer: I'm no great scholar. I took the information where I could find it, and sometimes that was the websites from traditional houses and sometimes that meant MySpace. Some of the paths have very different spellings, but very similar descriptions. Some have very similar names but very different descriptions. I tried to listen and make the correct distinctions. I will include the best websites and books at the end of this list.
Warriors and Death Goddesses
Yemaya Asseu: lives in dirty and polluted waters. She accepts offering with the dead and she is pretty slow in answering the requests of her children. She is also the messenger of Olokun.
Yemaya Oquette: This is Yemaya's violent form. She is destructive. The mother who gives birth to her children will also destroy them. She is similar to Kali-Ma. She is married to Ogun, very witchy and wears Ogun's tools.
Yemaya Ibu Akinomi: Her mane means "when upset, she could destroy the world". She lives in the cusp of the waves.
Yemaya Oggun Ayipo: She comes from Marunal Oddu Oggunda. She live in the river and at sea. She has big breasts. She is a patron of the elderly and goes to war with Ogun. Her sopera should be covered with mariwan.
Yemaya Oggun Asomi: She is a warrior with Ogun and Shango. She lives on top of the waters but also loves the mountains.
Yemaya Ibu Alaro: She who lives with the dead in the depths of the ocean and sea. She is a mystery. She who moves with the egguns. She is the owner of life and death.
Yemaya Okot: She lives in the red tide and is a fierce mother. She assassinates anyone who tries to hurt her children and dresses in 9 different colors like Oya.
Yemaya Oro: She is mysterious and lives with the egguns. Her name means "mermaid who sings". She wakes the spirits. Her favorite food is duck.
Yemaya Ita Tanan: a warrior aspect, she carries a sword.
Yemonja Afodo: the warrior who is completely devoted to freeing slaves. She deals with ships at sea and boats on the river and gives them safe passage if her children are aboard or their mission is innocent.
Yemaya Fonda: She is the one who died with Inle. She is a warrior and wears a sword.
Witches and Healers
Yemaya Mayalewo: A powerful witch, she works closely with Ogun. She lives in lagoons that are surrounded by a wooded area. She lives in solitude. She loves the peacefulness of the woods. She is also close to Osain, and an excellent healer.
Yemaya Achaba: She is married to Ogun who heeds her wise advice. She is serious and stern. She disciplines when she has to and can be very dangerous. Her magic spells are very powerful and she turns her back to listen to her followers. She sends floods when she is angry. She is also the wife of Orunmile and the mother of African kings.
Yemaya Okuti (Okute): She is the Queen of Witches. She sends her children messages via mice. She owns the coral reefs and is the mother of pearls. When she dances she has a snake on her are, suggesting wisdom and sexuality. She has a bad temper and is harsh and unforgiving. She can make live miserable if you upset her. She is a fierce warrior who battles alongside Ogun. She carries his weapons and working tools at her waist in times of war. She is also close to Oshun and her home is the rocks hear the coastlines that break the water. She can also be found in lakes, rivers, and forests. She dislikes dogs and won't eat duck. She wears coral and mother of pearl.
Yemaya Yalode: Queen of mothers and witches. The first female orisha.
Deep Water and Open Water
Yemaya Olokun: This path is the deepest part of the ocean. She has vast wisdom and a violent nature. She is overpowering and is often seen as a hermaphroditic mermaid. In many cases Olokun is viewed as a separate deity.
Yemaya Ibu Okoto: Her name means "those who live in shells". She rules navel battles and kills those who do harm to her children. She dresses in 9 colors like Oya. She lives on the bottom of the sea. She is a dancer who loves to spin.
Yemay Akere: She was born in Oddu Ojuani Oddi. She lives in the deepest parts of the ocean. You should put a small porcelain doll in her sopera along with a sea turtle, shells, a silver arrow, a cedar boat, a silver fish, a silver swork, and seven crystal balls.
Yemaya Ibu Agana: She live at the very bottom of the ocean. When she possesses her priests, the sky becomes dark and it down pours. Because of this you cannot fake her possession. Her name means "furious" or "crazy". She walks a lot and dances bent over, and works with a snake.
Yemaya Mayelewo: She is the favorite daughter of Oloddumare. She lives at the bottom of the ocean where the seven currents of the ocean meet. Stability is her predominance. She looks down on others with pride, she looks at people sideways. She is good at business. Her name means "the one who loves money and business" She colored the waters of the ocean.
Shallows and Shorelines (includes sailor paths)
Yemaya Acuaro (Akuaro): This is the aspect where the river (Oshun) meets the sea. She is very close to her sister, with who she loves to dance and spend time. She is a powerful witch and she can dispel evil spells. She does not do any other kind of magic.
Yemaya Ibu Konla: She is the one who builds the boats. She is a poet. She lives in sea foam, caught in the flax and sea weed. She is represented by the propeller of ships and wears a white cotton shawl. She may also live in the fish nets. She is the navigator who sleeps in a ship's prow.
Yemaya Ibubunle: Her name means "sediment of the ocean" She lives on top of reef rocks.
Yemaya Gunle: The seashore personified.
Ye Ile Ye Lodo: Has her house at the top edge of the sea. She takes lamb at the sea, river, or in the home.
River Paths
Yemaya Ibu Node: She lives in the rivers.
Yemaya Olodo: Owner of all the rivers
Yemaya Ogunte: the wife of Ogun, deals with fishing. She swims like fish and saves those who are downing. Great hunter. Founded a town at a place where 2 rivers meet and is close to Exu and can be called at a crossroads. Sometimes breaths fire and is the source of the steam that rises from the jungle rivers early in the morning. She is a hard worker and wears Ogun's tool belt.
Yemonja Banyarin: She is totally devoted to children. She plays with children at the river. She baths people before their initiation. She is the owner of ants who are her informants and protects the sacred stones of the river. When she is angry she drowns people and does not return the body for a long time. The ants tell her who has visited the river and what they wanted. She is very strict about matters of morality and propriety.
Yemaya Ibu Seni: She lives in small black wells by the river boarders.
Queens and Mothers and Wealth Paths
Yemaya Awoyo: She is the ancient form of Yemaya. She is wise, honorable, loving, caring, and she is also very wealthy. She wears a rainbow as a crown over her head. She is also a powerful warrior.
Yemaya Yembo (Yemu): Oddua in female form, the one who gave birth to all other orishas. She is the first, the calm sea. She can also be a female path of Oxala and is sometimes considered to be a deity on her own.
Yemaya Ibu Elowo (Olowo): Owner of money from the seas.
Yemaya Ibu Ina: Her name means "queen of the tragedy and arguments". She is ready for disputes and war. She can be arrogant and foword. She eats carp and goats and rules thermal and volcanic waters.
Yemonja Ayaba: wife of the king, a young lady who people immediately love.
Yemaya Atarawa: Her name means "she who is in every moment important". Owner of the treasures of the ocean and the land.
Yemaya Ibu Odo: Owner of Indigo
Opa Lado Iyalode or Opa Lalu: the staff given to a ruling woman, the respect given to a woman who has helped an important husband. She is the leader of women int he kingdom. The orisha of technicians, she taught women how to put a roof on a house and how to paint their homes bright and beautiful colors.
Other (all the paths which don't fit into one of these categories)
Yemaya Ibu Oleyo: Ibi Okoto's sister, from the land of Aye Taro.
Yemaya Ataremawa: Beautiful woman, comes to bembes, lives in the forest.
Yemaya Yamase: She has a crown in which one should hang 7 coweries, 7 machetes, 7 axes, a boat, and an arrow of Ochosi.
Yemaya Ibu Yabani: lives with Brosia
Yemonja Asaba: She is the adviser to the other orisha and is associated with bats. She is wise and helpful and wears a silver anklet. Her friendship is coveted by all. She is haughty and will stare you down. Once married to Orunla, she is the one who stole the secret of how to divine with cowrie shells. She is also close to Osanyin. She can send floods and tidal waves when she is angry. She turns her back to you to speak to you. She represents the woman that truly believes she can resolve issues by ignoring adversity, by going with the flow until she gets to the source making the situation a win-win. She is known as the little mermaid, smallest but most respected of paths. Yemaya of the impossible, reveler of the unknown.
Yemaya Ibu Tinibu: makes ocean waves rough
Yemaya Lokun Nipa: strong ocean, may be a name of Olokun
Yemaya Ayaba Ti Gbe Ibu Omi: Mother of Shango
Yemaya Awo Sama: Sends rain clouds.
Yemaya Oguegue Owoyo Olode: The ocean reflecting the crescent moon.
Yemonja Erin mi Lokun: Elephant of the sea, the Yemonja that made sure no animals died when Olodunmare separated water from land.
Yemaya Alara: Yemaya as a refined beauty.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Me and My Domestic Woo
Hail Frigga!
So, I decided to take today off from work. I have a ton of sick days saved up, am facing pay cuts (thanks, capitalism!) and haven't been feeling all that great lately anyway.
I went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and starting redoing the food cabinet. Yup, it's going to be a Frigga day! I've managed to get quite a bit done so far, but there is much left to do.
So far: Kitchen: Dishes done, countertops scrubbed, Frigga's altar cleaned and redone, floor swept and mopped, recycling taken out, sink scrubbed and bleached
Bathroom: towels and bath rugs washed, counter scrubbed, bathtub scrubbed and bleached, floor swept and mopped, toilet scrubbed
Bedroom: clean sheets, bed made, most of the tidying is done
Other: Laundry started
Left to do: Kitchen: reorganize the cabinets and fridge, clean the top of the stove, tidy up the coffee area, make a grocery list for when I get paid next week
Living Room: Pick up the floor, vacuum, de-clutter the desk, bookshelves and the top of the TV cabinet, dust the corners, clean-up the coffee table
Bedroom: vacuum, tidy up under my altar, redo stuff under the bed and under altars to make more room
Bathroom: most done, replace towels and bath rugs when they are out of the laundry
Other: finish laundry and brush the cat if the cat brush can be found.
Tonight there is going to be home woo the likes of which this little cottage has not seen since I was ordained. Herbs will be mixed, scattered and swept up, resins will be burned, words will be chanted, and magical sticks will be waved about with much florish and aplomb. It's going to be awesome! Hail Frigga!
I went into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and starting redoing the food cabinet. Yup, it's going to be a Frigga day! I've managed to get quite a bit done so far, but there is much left to do.
So far: Kitchen: Dishes done, countertops scrubbed, Frigga's altar cleaned and redone, floor swept and mopped, recycling taken out, sink scrubbed and bleached
Bathroom: towels and bath rugs washed, counter scrubbed, bathtub scrubbed and bleached, floor swept and mopped, toilet scrubbed
Bedroom: clean sheets, bed made, most of the tidying is done
Other: Laundry started
Left to do: Kitchen: reorganize the cabinets and fridge, clean the top of the stove, tidy up the coffee area, make a grocery list for when I get paid next week
Living Room: Pick up the floor, vacuum, de-clutter the desk, bookshelves and the top of the TV cabinet, dust the corners, clean-up the coffee table
Bedroom: vacuum, tidy up under my altar, redo stuff under the bed and under altars to make more room
Bathroom: most done, replace towels and bath rugs when they are out of the laundry
Other: finish laundry and brush the cat if the cat brush can be found.
Tonight there is going to be home woo the likes of which this little cottage has not seen since I was ordained. Herbs will be mixed, scattered and swept up, resins will be burned, words will be chanted, and magical sticks will be waved about with much florish and aplomb. It's going to be awesome! Hail Frigga!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
It's Not Death, It's The Dying That Hurts Me So
This is going to be one of those long, poorly thought out posts, but I want to get it all out before I forget some of this stuff. BTW, I started writing this last night. I'm not changing a word.
I dislike fall, a great deal. Oh, there are some things about it I like, but my life always seems to go to hell this time of year. At least since becoming pagan. Most of my romantic relationships have ended in the fall. My body reacts badly to the constantly changing temperatures. I have at least one major spiritual crisis each fall. Fall is when I return to work at a job I often love and hate passionately and all at once. I'm short tempered, worn out, afraid. Man, fuck fall.
But I love winter. I love the music and the bell ringers on the corner. I love family visits and hot buttered rum, and my family cookies. I love evergreen and holly. I love Yule and Christmas. I love giving presents and I love getting presents. I love the parties. I love the community togetherness of the season which is unmatched at other times of the year.
All my life I've been afraid of death. It seems that I've always been aware of my own mortality. The act of dying frightens me beyond telling. I'm also really bad at dealing with others who are dying. I've been through it too many times. Let's face it, if you've spoon-fed applesauce to your skeletal father before you've graduated from high school, certain images and situations are going to be fraught with emotional peril. Dying is an ugly painful process. I can't stand funerals, memorial services, devotionals, or any group grieving situation. Even if I didn't know the person, the weight of others' grief is often overwhelming. This is why I don't go to the Ghede devotional any more.
Conversely, the post death experience doesn't have any of these emotions attached. After the funeral the community gathers together. Those still living need support. Comfort is offered and taken. Good times are slowly reestablished. That's Yule. Everything is done dying, and now the living gather together to celebrate the return of life.
Is that what dying is too? A chance to go around once more? An ugly process that leads to it's own beautiful beginning? Of course, while I'm writing all this the power goes out on my block. My neighbor's kid is running up and down walk shouting "everything is dead! Everything is dead!" I'm a pagan, I have a ton of candles, so there is no need to be anything but mildly inconvienced by this "death". I need to find a battery for my alarm clock, take a quick shower, then I'm going to bed until the sun comes out.
When did my life get to be such a goddam metaphor? Oh, yeah. About 15 minutes ago.
So what does it all mean? The universe, in all her wisdom, always gives good honest answers, but they are not often clear. I do think that my fear is misplaced. Not that that stops the lizard brain frompanicing about all this. Can I find peace before the first days of winter?
Or at least after October 31st?
Please?
I dislike fall, a great deal. Oh, there are some things about it I like, but my life always seems to go to hell this time of year. At least since becoming pagan. Most of my romantic relationships have ended in the fall. My body reacts badly to the constantly changing temperatures. I have at least one major spiritual crisis each fall. Fall is when I return to work at a job I often love and hate passionately and all at once. I'm short tempered, worn out, afraid. Man, fuck fall.
But I love winter. I love the music and the bell ringers on the corner. I love family visits and hot buttered rum, and my family cookies. I love evergreen and holly. I love Yule and Christmas. I love giving presents and I love getting presents. I love the parties. I love the community togetherness of the season which is unmatched at other times of the year.
All my life I've been afraid of death. It seems that I've always been aware of my own mortality. The act of dying frightens me beyond telling. I'm also really bad at dealing with others who are dying. I've been through it too many times. Let's face it, if you've spoon-fed applesauce to your skeletal father before you've graduated from high school, certain images and situations are going to be fraught with emotional peril. Dying is an ugly painful process. I can't stand funerals, memorial services, devotionals, or any group grieving situation. Even if I didn't know the person, the weight of others' grief is often overwhelming. This is why I don't go to the Ghede devotional any more.
Conversely, the post death experience doesn't have any of these emotions attached. After the funeral the community gathers together. Those still living need support. Comfort is offered and taken. Good times are slowly reestablished. That's Yule. Everything is done dying, and now the living gather together to celebrate the return of life.
Is that what dying is too? A chance to go around once more? An ugly process that leads to it's own beautiful beginning? Of course, while I'm writing all this the power goes out on my block. My neighbor's kid is running up and down walk shouting "everything is dead! Everything is dead!" I'm a pagan, I have a ton of candles, so there is no need to be anything but mildly inconvienced by this "death". I need to find a battery for my alarm clock, take a quick shower, then I'm going to bed until the sun comes out.
When did my life get to be such a goddam metaphor? Oh, yeah. About 15 minutes ago.
So what does it all mean? The universe, in all her wisdom, always gives good honest answers, but they are not often clear. I do think that my fear is misplaced. Not that that stops the lizard brain frompanicing about all this. Can I find peace before the first days of winter?
Or at least after October 31st?
Please?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Just Ask Me, Already!
This past week was spent with my family, celebrating my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. It was a wonderful week, where I was surrounded by love and the beauty of the Sierra Nevada mountains. It was also the week I had determined to come out as pagan to my mother. We had two days together without the rest of the family, and I was totally prepared. I'd read When Someone You Love Is Wiccan and everything.
I put it out to the universe that for me to know that my mom was ready to hear with open and accepting ears she (mom) would have to ask me a question. I'd know the question when I heard it, but I needed a sign that it was time.
It wasn't time.
I don't know what I could have done to make it any more obvious. I told her I belong to a women's circle and that we start things off with drumming and singing and dancing. I spent rather a lot of time in new age type shops, looking at statues, rocks, and candles. I even told her straight up that I have a very fulfilling spiritual life, that it is different from hers, and that is why I haven't mentioned it to her. I told her I didn't believe that anyone could tell anyone else what spiritual path to follow and that one of the great purposes of life is to figure out your own spiritual path.
She never even asked me what I believed.
HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO I NEED TO BE, MOM?!?
*Ahem*
I think I may never be able to tell her at this point, that truly this will be my secret for the rest of my life. Here's why:
I haven't spoken to my aunt in several years. We spent a delightful few hours talking and catching up. At one point my aunt asked me if I had anyone special in my life, male or female. I just smiled and told her I wasn't a lesbian. She replied that that is what she had thought, but that I was family and she wanted to reassure me that I was loved no matter. I was quite touched and a little amused, and related the conversation to my mother. Her response? You're not a lesbian, are you?
*sigh*
I love my mother dearly, and I feel that in nearly every way, I hit the parental jackpot. But this denial of anything outside of her own experience is driving this huge wedge between us. One that her crucifix crossed eyes can't see.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Into the Deep
I had an interest, if long and intense, journey with Yemaya on Saturday morning. It was completely unexpected, but I'm glad it happened. I needed to get down into things and spend some serious time with her.
I put on the ocean sounds playlist on the computer and settled in. I started on the beach and Yemaya looked so much older then what I'm use to seeing. We hugged for a minute or two and then dove into the water.
We always turn into mermaids once we are in the water. We started down and along came shark. "Shark will come when you are in trouble, in danger. Shark is your protector". The shark swam around us for a few minutes, long enough for me to get a feel for his energy and close enough for me to touch his sandpapery skin. There was no love there, no emotion at all. But then again, what does a shark need with love or hate? Eventually the shark swam off and we continued downward.
Down and down, further and further, we swam until the water turned murky. From below, a huge whale swam. It's eye was almost as big as my body. "Whale is your messenger. She travels between all levels of the ocean and out of your subconscious mind to your conscious mind. She is big because what she brings is big". I spent some time just resting my head along her side, touching, knowing, being.
Then, Yemaya and I continued further down, into the Twilight zone of the ocean, the place where the light has faded. "These are creatures that live in both light and darkness. They transverse between the worlds, able to live in both. You're learning how to do this, but here is where you need to spend the most time". We stayed for awhile and watched all manner of fish, shrimp, and jellies swimming up and down. It was beautiful and amazing.
Finally we went to the bottom to explore the volcanic trenches. Even in the pitch black, there were many, many bright flashes of bioluminescence. "In order to shine, there must be darkness" she tells me. We finally reach a vent. "Even in the most inhospitable places, life flourishes. Wherever, whenever, you too can survive".
Then we went to go see Olokun at the bottom of the bottom of the darkest trench. Here I could see just fine. "Go take care of him." I slid the manacles on his wrists back and wrapped the raw places on his arms with clean seaweed. I used a sea urchin to pick out his hair before braiding it. He wrapped his arms around me, affectionately, fatherly, and tanked me for attending to him and making the journey. He promised me riches if I visit him and tend to him again. I agreed to return, without setting a specific date. Then Yemaya and I returned to the beach.
"All tis (the ocean) is yours to rule. You have learned so much, yet have so much left to learn".
The the music shifted to the coming back song, and that was that. I'm apprehensive about returning to Olokun, but know I'll be back sooner or later.
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